Japan's ministry of agriculture is sending out special Sushi police to patrol Japanese restaurants abroad in order to ensure authentic and pure Japanese food is served. Well I think we need to send our own Euro Food Cops here to look at my lunch

which simultaneously insults the cuisine of the English - home of the sandwich, the Italians - home of spaghetti in tomato sauce and the Scottish - home of the unidentifiable deep fried thing. Actually forget the food cops, we need to take this to the top. I want to see the Earl of Sandwich, the Prince of Pasta, the Fief of Fried stuff, the Burger King and the Dairy Queen sit down with the Shogun of Sashimi and tell him to put his own house in order before he criticises our cheese on sushi.